Interview with an Abducted Child
Ken Connelly was parentally abducted-then recovered. The Author of Throwing Stones, Ken shares his experience.
1. What was your thoughts/feelings the first hour you were recovered and given to your mom?
I was confused to sum it in one word. The actual recovery took about a week. My dad was first apprehended then let go on a technicality. The next evening there was a police chase as we planned to get clothes from our back-woods home. Dad got away and hid us at a relative’s house. Over the next few days my feelings went back and forth between the realization that my mother was both alive, not a witch, lesbian and Satanist, and actually loved me. The day dad went to court, the sting to get him out in the open and in a secure location they could control, I was torn. When we first got out of the car I seen a woman I vaguely remembered. My heart raced with excitement when I realized who she was. At the same moment I became very protective over my father and gripped hand tight.When we entered the building my mother reached out and grasped my hair and shoulder. I nearly broke into tears but remained true to my father. I screamed out, I don’t want you. I watched them drag my father to the ground at gun point. We were grabbed and taken into a back room in the court house. I was very frightened.. At that moment everything I knew was ripped way and all I could do then was protect my little brother. It was about three days later when I finally came around and asked to brush my mother’s hair after her bath. She was sitting next to sink brushing her hair. I said something like I remember doing this; brushing her hair.
When mom got us back I was covered in chiggers and had rashes all over my body. I was living in a hundred year old home that had an outhouse. This was a very mixed feeling when mom shown up.
I was scared. I missed her and I could smell her on my clothes and some little belongings. I cried a lot and had night terrors. I slept walked and started to talk fast and stutter. I imagined she picked me up and we went to the beach. I played out scenarios in my head where she was next to me and held me close. Dad refused that I cry for her but made me repeat the things he said about her.
3. Did you ever think you would see your mom again?
I did for the first two years. I believe there is a gate or time window as in emergency medicine. We call it the Golden Hour. If a child can be recovered in the first six months it is best. At one year there is a lot hope that the left behind parent will find them. The second year the child feels that they must prepare for the worst and starts to let go of their past learn to live in the now. By the third year the child has given in and is just trying to survive and exist in their constantly changing environment. This is my belief based upon my own independent research. By the end I hated her as much as him for my life and felt I was alone in the world.
4. Did you ever tell anyone that your dad took you?
I did, I told a boy named Adam. We were gone about three to six months at that point. I told him everything in confidence. He in turn told my cousin/aunt Katy. Katy told my dad and well… I learned to just shut up and be quiet after that.
5. Did you ever try to find your mom by yourself?
I didn’t, dad told me if I ever told the police, family, friends and it lead to his capture and our return. He would kill my mother. He said he could not live without us. I saw myself as lost in a very big world. Growing up near the beach, the world of Arizona and Texas was all encompassing. I feared being left in some strange town, dad in jail, mom dead and all alone.
6. Has your experience influenced how you are as a parent?
Oh yes! I fear abduction by both parent and stranger. When my daughter (eldest) was born I started seeing a counselor. I knew I did not have the skills to be a good parent so I read everything. I try to be the opposite of my parents. I have the “three rule”: I ask, I tell them and then finally, they do with punishment. My mother n law says that I am the most patient and kindest parent she has ever seen. It can be difficult to think of your child’s feelings first but I must so that they feel balanced inside.
Since their mother ran off with them, making me follow her, I now have nightmares and fear for their safety. I have Code Adam key chains for them. These key chains, if pulled make a siren sound and ward off an attacker. Their mother thinks I am stupid for it and I just found out my daughter feels weird about it. I have to reevaluate the key chain do in part to my daughter’s feelings. I have to make sure I am not being too hard on her.
7. If you could say anything to the parent of an abducted child, what would it be?
I want the parent to know, your child loves you! They will always love you! They think of you daily. They cry at night when no one sees and dream of your touch. There are times when they hate and blame you. This is because for them, they do not see a tomorrow or a grown up future out of this life. They live in the moment and are surviving. Above all, they LOVE YOU!
8. If you could say anything to a child that has been abducted and has not been reunited, what would it be?
Your mommy or daddy is looking for you! Just because your abducting mommy or daddy tells you stories that make you feel bad, trust your heart and you will always know the truth. What you feel inside is right. Trust yourself. Trust no one else. The police and teachers can help you. It is not your fault. Most important, when you look up the moon, your mommy or daddy is looking up to and in that, you are together.
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